Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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