this just has baby written all over it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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