He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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