So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize