His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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