There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
