so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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