when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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