So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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