Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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