Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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