even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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