i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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