My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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