literally had 100 drinks last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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