the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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