I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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