also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize