He kissed a someone with a penis
We got so high we made milksteak
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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