i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize