there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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