The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize