Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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