Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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