I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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