I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
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