he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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