I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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