No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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