I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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