i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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