Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize