I wish I only lived at night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize