Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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