True but thats because hes a fetus.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize