my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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