He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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