The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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