i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize