I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize