I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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