my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize