He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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