you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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