Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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