he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
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wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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