He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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