so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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