So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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