just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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