sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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