Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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